


A Soul He May Devour

by LittleTayy



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bitchy little Nuns, Deals With The Devil, F/F, F/M, Hurt, Lucifer the Devil himself, Mother/Daughter angst, There is so much wrong with this fic just read the warnings inside, probably homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTayy/pseuds/LittleTayy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU SB. She somehow felt like the test she'd just smashed; broken and unable to ever be put back together again. Her life was a wreck; one Regina wasn't sure could be fixed. Swan Queen. Please heed all warnings inside the chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: The work below contains what I believe to be a graphic depiction of rape and discussion of rape. If this may be triggering or offensive in any way, I advise that you do not continue to read. Thank you.  
> ***  
> So this is very new and different for me. I already have most of the first chapter finished and I've started on the second. This is very much a work in progress so please bare with me on that. I know I haven't updated any of my other fics in a while but that's partly due to the fact that I had a lot of college stuff to focus on and that I was doing NaNoWriMo. This is actually what I started NaNoWriMo with and even though I didn't finish this fic, there is still quite a lot written and planned out which is why I decided to continue writing and posting this.
> 
> I would also like to note that this fic while not having anything to do with Fairytale Land or magic in that sense, will stray in to some other more spiritual and demonic arenas. The devil, angels, demons, the Church and religion will be mentioned and have a fairly large part within the story and I'd like to point out now that this work is in no way bashing or demonising any religion whatsoever. I, in fact, have quite a large respect for religion as a whole and do not wish to portray it in a way that is at all discriminatory. Everything written and said within this story does not always reflect the opinion of myself and I'd ask that any readers I have would please keep that in mind.
> 
> I am truly sorry for the long Author's Note but I felt it important to clarify and make known some such things.

Day was bordering on night, the sky tinged in purple and orange hues. It was a pretty sight, one Regina Mills-Swan liked to enjoy as she went about her nightly jog. It was early evening and she'd gone home from the hospital only an hour before. She'd saved two lives today, that of an expectant mother and her unborn child. It was days like today that had pushed her into becoming a doctor.

She smiled as she thought of the gratitude her patient had shown her when she'd been told she and her baby were okay. It was a look, and a feeling Regina was sure she'd never tire of. Regina was also reminded of her own son, waiting for her at home and pushed her self to run just a little faster. With earphones in and music turned up, she didn't hear the person approaching from behind until a hand clamped over her mouth.

Regina's eyes went wide as she felt a body pressing in to her back and an arm secured tightly around her waist. She struggled in her attacker's grasp as he pulled her back into a near by alleyway. Regina clawed at his arms and hands, trying desperately to escape his tight grip but to no avail.

Tears began to pool in her eyes as he threw her roughly to the dirty ground. She scrambled quickly to her knees, attempting to stand up and make a run for it. Her attacker however was fast, placing a kick to her ribs that had her gasping for breath as she fell to the ground again.

He turned her over roughly, slamming her back deliberately against the concrete ground. He got to his knees, one either side of her small body and despite how disorientated Regina was, she opened her mouth and prepared to scream. No sound came out however and she looked up, terrified at her attacker as he laughed darkly at her attempt.

The man leant forward, almost teasingly and as he did Regina raised her hand, hitting at him with all she had. Her attackers head snapped to the right but he was quick to recover, bringing his fist down to connect painfully with the side of her face. Regina's lip split at the contact, blood filling her mouth and trickling down her chin.

Her attacker grabbed both her hands, pushing them painfully above her head, holding them there. He moved a hand roughly down to her chest, squeezing painfully at her breast before ripping open her sports top with seemingly no effort. His face twisted into a sadistic grin as he leant down, taking her nipple in to his mouth.

Regina's eyes closed tightly and her body shuddered in disgust at what was happening to her. She felt both his hands running down over her stomach now and she immediately went to move her hands from above her head. Her hands however felt as if they were cemented to the ground and she couldn't move them an inch. Her heart raced terrified as she tried desperately to move her hands and arms that were seemingly being restricted by an unknown force. The tears spilled down her cheeks now and she found herself still unable to cry out in pain.

Her attacker’s hands were now at the hem of her jogging shorts and her hips arched away from the touch. The action did nothing however to stop him from ripping them from her body and Regina whimpered, knowing what was coming. He shifted over her body, pressing a knee between her thighs, grabbing at one leg and moving to hold it against his hip. Regina felt weak and powerless as she heard him unzip his pants and lean over her, his breath horribly warm against her neck.

Her legs automatically tried to squeeze shut when she felt his hands move her panties aside and push his hard length inside her. She flinched in pain, most definitely not used to the painful sensations. He started thrusting in to her, lips moving over hers in a kiss that quite literally stole the breath from her lungs. She felt like she was suffocating, trying to breath in air that didn't seem to stay.

It was only when pleasure started to fill her body that air did also. She was horrified that what he was doing to her was starting to turn her on and she tried desperately to quell the feelings of pleasure. His thrusts started to fasten, becoming more erratic and Regina assumed he must be close. She wanted nothing more than for him to finish and end this torture but her own thoughts became scrambled when the sensations built in a familiar way.

She felt herself tighten around him and it only made the tears come faster from her eyes. Her attacker leant right over her, mouth by her ear and she tried to turn her head away. His hand clamped over her throat however and held her in place as he spoke, for the first time, in to her ear.

"You are mine," he told her calmly, voice deep and distorted. She shivered in horror at the sound, reaching her horrible climax. That voice was not human.

He thrust into her several more times, releasing himself inside her with a grunt. She looked up at him with wide terrified eyes, as he looked directly at her with soulless black. Despite how close they were Regina could not make out one discernible feature except for his coal black eyes. The last thing she remembered before the darkness claimed her was his wide, sadistic smirk.

* * *

"Officer Swan," Emma's Captain called from his office grimly. The blonde police officer sighed, she was just about to finish for the day, and she did not want to have to deal with a cranky boss.

"Yes Captain?” she called, standing to turn and address her senior officer.

"My office Swan," he told her and his voice didn't sound as angry as she'd first thought. Emma strode across the floor, heading in to her Captain's office. She frowned as she looked at the older man, knowing immediately something was wrong. "Sit Emma, I just got a call from Detective Reiner," he told her solemnly and Emma's heart leapt in her throat.

"What’s happened Captain?" She asked, hands tensing by her sides as she continued standing.

"It's Regina Emma, she was attacked. It looks like she was out jogging. She was pulled in to an alleyway, she was-" the Captain stopped, not quite sure how to tell one of his best officers that her wife had been raped.

"She was what? Mugged? Beat up a little?" Emma asked, her mind trying desperately not to go to the first thought she'd had.

Her Captain shook his head sadly, looking over his now frantic officer. "No Emma, she was raped. I'm so sorry," he told her sincerely.

He had met Regina several times and he knew how in love and happy both women were. The brunette doctor had gotten on fabulously with his wife and everyone loved Regina and Emma. He couldn't imagine the damage this would do to them; his heart ached for Emma and what her wife was going through. He hated that things like that happened to good, honest people and he wanted whoever had done this, head on a plate.

Emma was silent, her heart thrumming loudly in her chest. She had known, she'd known what her Captain had been trying to say but she just hadn't wanted to believe it. Her beautiful, caring, loving wife had been raped and she hated whoever had dared harm the dark haired woman.  She needed to see Regina, needed to hold her and comfort and make sure she was alright. She shook herself out of her daze and looked towards her Captain.

“Captain,” she started, her voice pleading and eyes devastated.

 

“Go Emma,” he told her, not daring to try and stop the blonde officer, “Take care of your wife.”

* * *

 

Emma stood stock still outside of Regina’s hospital room, her hand clenching tightly at the door handle. The blonde had no idea what state her wife would be in and that scared the shit out of her. She’d had training on situations like this in the Academy, she’d even had to work a few cases like this too but when it was your wife that was the victim, it’s like a whole other ball game.

 

She took a deep breath, pushing the door open and stepping in to her wife’s hospital room. Her gaze immediately landed on the brunette in the hospital bed and she had to suppress a sob as she took in her wife’s appearance. Regina looked tiny in the hospital bed, a bandage around her head and stitches through her lip. The other woman had her eyes closed, so Emma closed the door quietly, not wanting to disturb Regina in case she was resting.

 

Making her way through the room as quietly as possible Emma sat in the chair by the bedside. Looking over her wife, trying to see if she had any other obvious physical injuries, Emma was surprised to see Regina’s honey coloured eyes looking at her sadly. Emma’s heart broke and she reached as hand forward to take Regina’s hand in hers but she froze however when Regina jerked her hand viciously away from Emma’s, a look of terror upon her face.

 

Emma frowned at the action but quickly schooled her features, not wanting Regina to see. Her heart ached at the movement, Regina had never, ever flinched away from contact with Emma and it only made Emma want to kill the bastard who’d done this even more. Instead she settled for just watching Regina, hoping to comfort her in any way she can. Moments pass though and Emma just has to know, has to ask because she can’t help but feel as if she’s doing nothing to help her wife at all.

 

“Who did this to you Regina…please, you know anything will help,” Emma pleaded, wanting to reach out and hold her wife but knowing it wouldn’t be welcome. Regina had barely looked at her the whole time she was here and she’d flinched as soon as Emma had reached out to touch her. It hurt Emma to know that her wife was afraid to be touched by her, it wasn’t right and all Emma wanted to do was comfort the brunette.

 

Regina turned to look at her, her eyes blank and filling with tears. Emma couldn’t stand to see her usually strong wife in such a state but she knew she had to endure it for the other woman. She saw Regina trembling, her face twisting in horror and the question and Emma wanted to kick her self. Regina was obviously reliving the attack because of the question and Emma fought the urge to just hold her wife tight in her arms.

 

Emma looked her straight in the eyes, trying to convey how sorry she was for causing her to go back to that moment. She tensed in shock however at Regina’s shaky, terrified whisper, “the devil. _He_ did this to me,” she replied with a sob, tears falling down her cheeks as she moved to hide her face in her hands.

 

Emma didn’t know what to do; she was completely torn. She was shocked by the words, just wanting to hold Regina and show her how much she still cared. Her wife’s words had also deflated her inside; the devil couldn’t have done this to her, he wasn’t real. Which meant however had done this to her must have been terrifying in his attack for her wife to think of him as the devil. Emma couldn’t help but wonder how heartless one had to be to be seen as a devil in human form.

 

“Regina,” Emma started, not really sure what to say, “Everything’s going to be alright. We will catch whoever’s done this. We’ll catch them Regina,” the blonde tells her wife.

 

Emma watches as Regina dissolves in to more tears, her whole body wracking with sobs. It was hard, one of the hardest things Emma has ever had to watch and there was nothing she could do about it. Regina wouldn’t allow Emma to touch her and it was breaking her heart that she wasn’t able to console her wife in any way.

* * *

 

 A white plastic stick sat calmly on the bench of the pristine bathroom as Regina paced around in front of it trying to control her breathing. It was her 11th test and it had come back just as positive as all 10 before it. She had a hand clasped tightly over her mouth, attempting to stop her from being sick as the other gripped her waist so tight she thought she might bruise her self.

 

_Pregnant._

 

She, Doctor Regina Mills was pregnant with her rapist’s baby. It was a horrifying and sickening thought; it was a reality she didn’t want to be true but it seemed eleven positive pregnancy tests solidified it. She had taken emergency contraceptive at the hospital but five weeks later here she was with a foetus growing inside her.

 

Regina paused her pacing in front of the sink, staring down at the bright plastic stick with a positive plus sign and anger grew inside her. She snatched up the test, hurling it with all her might at the opposite wall, watching as it smashed against it, cracking and falling to the floor. Tears slid hurriedly down her face as she looked at the broken pregnancy test, collapsing to the floor with an aching heart. She somehow felt like the test she’d just smashed; broken and unable to ever be put back together again.

 

Some time later Emma found her still sitting on the bathroom floor, eyes staring blankly ahead and a hand clenched in her lap. Regina barely noticed the appearance of her wife, not until Emma was kneeling cautiously beside her. She turned to look at her, lips and chin trembling as she tried desperately to hold back tears.

 

“Regina,” Emma said quietly, gazing at her in worry.

 

Again Regina barely responded, only flicking her gaze towards the trash can now full with positive pregnancy tests. Emma followed her wife’s gaze and leant over to the bin taking a look at what was inside. Her heart clenched painfully at what she saw, her own tears brimming in her eyes. Taking a deep breath Emma turns back to face Regina, her own sadness visible on her light features and it only makes Regina want to cry harder.

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers out, shaking her head and averting her gaze from Emma’s. She felt disgusting and now guilty; she didn’t know how Emma could even stand to be around her. Someone else had touched her, where only Emma should have been allowed to touch and now she was pregnant with a baby that couldn’t and wouldn’t be Emma’s.

 

Her life was a wreck; one Regina wasn’t sure could be fixed.


	2. Fate Drives You Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of rape and unwanted pregnancy. If this may be offensive or triggering I advise you to stop reading here. Thank you.  
> ***  
> I know I don't usually update so fast but I finished most of the second chapter and started on the third so I thought why not. From now on though, I'll probably try to update once a week, probably over the weekends but that can change. There is also a time jump from the prologue to this chapter. I don't know if I mention it in the chapter but this chapter is set a month after Regina finds out she's pregnant so she would be 8 weeks pregnant (2 months).

Brown cardboard boxes littered the foyer of the house to the point it almost became like a maze. The sight of the plain cream walls and empty rooms saddened the hearts of all three occupants of the house, especially the little boy, who knew no other home. Two trucks sat outside, one filled to the brim with furniture, the other waiting to be filled with the boxes in the foyer.

Detective Emma Swan stood leaning with arms crossed over her chest against the wall beside the front door. Her teeth chewed at the inside of her bottom lip as she watched the movers packing boxes into the second truck. Her frown deepened when she heard the shaky voice of her wife call for their son to come downstairs. She turned, looking back in to the foyer to see Regina by the staircase, handbag over her shoulder and a hand resting on the dark wooden banister.

The brunette doctor looked thin, despite her pregnancy and her hair hung loosely by her shoulders. The dark grey of her sweater made her skin look even paler then it really was and hung around her frame in a way that Emma knew was deliberate. Ever since the attack Regina had worn clothes that engulfed her already tiny frame and it worried Emma when she realised just what had Regina acting so differently.

The change was to be expected of course, Emma knew that and yet it hurt to know that her once confident and secure wife was hiding herself away in fear of another attack. Emma tried to be as supportive and caring as possible and Regina had seemed to be reciprocating; up until she had found out she was pregnant with that monster’s baby. It was like the tentative rebuilding of their lives was washed down the drain as soon as Regina had seen those horrible little pink plus signs and Emma couldn’t help but feel a little resentful of that fact.

She tried terribly hard not to show it; to show her vague resentment for the fact that the baby inside her wife was put there by someone who had hurt the brunette. In fact, Emma tried not to show a lot of her emotions these last couple of months, knowing that she had to be there and be strong for Regina and Henry. The poor boy hadn’t had a clue what was happening those first few weeks until Emma had finally relented, sitting him down and telling him, in as little detail as possible that his mom had hurt, very badly and she was trying to get better. The pregnancy only complicated the situation further and Emma really wasn’t sure what else to do anymore, it was all too overwhelming.

Despite her feelings though, she put on a smile and a brave face everyday for the two brunettes’ in her life, knowing they both needed it. She smiled softly as she watched Henry bound down the stairs, wrapping his arms around Regina tightly, hugging her for all he’s worth. The scene is one Emma’s seen often over the years but this sight is one tinged with despair and tears, unlike the many others. Mother and son cling to each other and Emma can’t help but hate the way every interaction between the family has changed in only the span of a couple of horrid months.

Stepping in to the foyer Emma cleared her throat, wanting to catch Regina’s attention to let her know she was approaching. It had been a difficult few months for the couple, especially now that Regina didn’t like to receive any kind of contact when she wasn’t expecting it. It was a result of trauma, that’s what her therapist said and both women had a tendency to agree with him. Despite not having been fond of being touched before, the level of alarm she now got from the simple actions was enough of an indicator to assume it had been because of the attack.

Regina and Henry turned in the hug simultaneously and Emma couldn’t help but smile slightly at how similar they were. Despite no actual biological relation mother and son were very much alike, in appearance and in personality. Emma had never been sure why but was grateful all the same, she didn’t want Henry to turn out like she had before she and Regina had gotten together. The slightly older brunette had made Emma mature in a way the blonde hadn’t thought she could but she loved Regina for it. If she hadn’t, they certainly wouldn’t have had Henry; their shining star.

“You two should probably get a start if you want to get there on time,” Emma told them matter-of-factly, not wanting Regina to feel like Emma was pushing her to do anything. The thought that Emma was pushing Regina to do things she didn’t want to do was an argument that was starting to become reoccurring in the last few weeks, ever since their discussion about terminating the pregnancy. Regina had felt like Emma was making her do something she was vehemently against and it’d caused another little rift in their relationship.

“Yes, we probably should dear,” Regina replied, although directing the answer towards their son instead of Emma. The two brunettes pulled away from each other and Henry moved towards his blonde mother, wrapping his small arms around her waist too. He hugged tight; Emma hugged him back just as equally pressing a small kiss to the top of his head. She looked up over him to her wife, catching her eye as gazed sadly at the pair of them. Emma sighed, releasing her son and smiled down at him, ruffling his hair playfully.

“Now you need to be good for you mother do you hear? This is a long drive and I don’t want to hear from her that you’ve been misbehaving understood?” she told him sternly, eyes fixed pointedly at her usually mischievous son.

“Yes ma,” he sighed dramatically, almost rolling his eyes.

Emma shook her head as he grabbed his backpack from beside the door and moved passed her outside. She was left now with just Regina, both standing awkwardly in the foyer. It seemed these awkward moments were becoming more regular now between them and it hurt to think that they weren’t comfortable around each other anymore. Emma hated the fact that so much was changing now but she knew it was no one’s fault, no one but the bastards who’d violated and hurt her wife. She was doing all she could to help Regina but it seemed that the brunette doctor was only getting worse.

“I should get out there then. Henry’s already in the car,” Regina said quietly, smiling a little sadly at her wife. Emma nodded in understanding, moving out of the doorway and clearing space for Regina to move through.

Emma watched sadly as her wife walked passed her and out the door towards the car. A feeling deep down in the pit of her stomach bubbled up to the surface and made Emma feel queasy as she watched her wife get in to the car. She tamped it down, not knowing what it was but deciding to ignore it. The feeling had been there for a while but she wasn’t going to dwell on it, she refused to actually knowing it could only be from the situation her family now found itself in. So much had happened recently and she didn’t need her stupid little feelings to wreck it.

She took a deep breath, shaking the feeling away and smiled instead. She waved a little as she watched Regina’s car pull out of the driveway, her wife and son both waving back; although the youngster more enthusiastically than her wife. She shook her head, not wanting to focus on the image of her wife and son driving away without her, a sense of foreboding settling in her bones. It was ridiculous really but the fact that they were leaving without her had Emma on edge, like it was the start of something bad to come.

* * *

It was about halfway through their drive to Storybrooke, Maine that Regina noticed her son fidgeting in the passenger seat of their car. She glanced over at him, wondering what was on his mind and if there was anything she could do for her 10 year old son. With some trepidation she turned down the radio that had been playing some top 40 pop song and took a deep breath.

“Is something the matter Henry?” she asked, turning for a moment to look at her son. The young boy froze in his seat, but Regina didn’t miss the shrug of his shoulders. He didn’t say anything for a moment and refused to look at Regina at all as she continued to drive. Regina dismissed it before realising that she needed to talk to her son; something was on his mind and despite all of her own problems her son should have been coming first.

“Henry, you can talk to me sweetheart. You know that don’t you?” she spoke softly, hoping to ease whatever doubts her son was having about speaking to her. Looking over to him again she noticed he was finally looking back at her, his brow furrowed and a question look upon his face. Regina’s own eyes squinted in questioning; wondering what had her son thinking so hard.

“Mom,” the boy started off hesitantly, his voice softer and sounding younger than it had in a while, “Are you okay?” he asked almost hesitantly, looking down at his hands as he spoke.

Regina sighed at the question, biting the inside of her bottom lip. She didn’t really know what to say to that question; no she wasn’t okay, not by a long shot but she couldn’t tell that to her son. She took a deep breath, steeling herself as she tried to come up with an answer that was suitable for her son and wasn’t a complete lie.

“Henry…I know you know a lot has happened in the last few months and that I was quite hurt,” she began, eyebrows creasing as she tried her hardest to explain to her son, “That kind of hurt, it takes time to heal you see and…I’m not completely okay but I’m getting better Henry and that’s all that matters alright?” she told him, taking another glance at the young boy.

He looked at her, head crooked and seemingly in thought. He nodded slowly, “I think I understand that,” she told her quietly. “Is that why we’re going back to where you and Ma grew up?” he asked suddenly, eyes curious.

Regina nodded, “That’s partly the reason Henry.”

“Why only partly?” he asked, looking at her confused.

Regina sighed, this was not how she’d wanted to tell him, not at all but it seemed that she had no other choice. She turned back to stare out at the road, driving steadily as she gave her answer, “I’m pregnant Henry.” She told him, voice practically devoid of all emotion.

She really hadn’t wanted to talk about this, at least not until Emma was there with her to support her. They had been planning to tell him together once they’d gotten settled in the house but she knew her boy could already tell there was more to the move than first appeared.

“As in, with a baby?” he asked looking down towards her stomach with an emotion she couldn’t identify.

They’d given Henry the birds and the bees talk at the beginning of the school year and Regina wasn’t sure if she was glad for that now or not. He knew what sex was and he knew how babies were made; he also knew how they had had him and she had no doubt that he’d have several questions for her, ones she didn’t know if she could answer.

“How do you have a baby in your stomach? I thought two girls couldn’t have a baby?” he asked, voice tinted with the disgust only a child could have when talking about something like this with their parents. “I mean, I know how Ma had me but…I didn’t know you guys wanted to have another baby,” he continued, voice growing hurt as he spoke.

Regina shook her head at his words, throat starting to tighten at the implication of what her son had just said. Tears pooled in her eyes and she did her best not to let them fall as she tried to come up with an answer for her son. She and Emma hadn’t wanted another baby, they were completely and utterly happy with Henry, they always had been but how could she tell her child that the child she was carrying was unwanted?

“Henry…I need to explain something to you and I need you to try and understand okay?” she started, her voice already hitching at what she was trying to say, “Your Ma and I, we weren’t planning to have this baby. Remember when I was very hurt and I had to go to hospital Henry? Well…that’s the reason I’m pregnant. The person who hurt me Henry forced me to have sex with him when I didn’t want to and that’s wrong Henry, so very wrong okay? That’s why I’m pregnant,” she told him her voice shaking as a few tears managed to leak down her cheeks. Turning to look at him she could see the horror on his young face and she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d made a mistake in telling him the truth, “Promise me Henry, that you will never force anyone to do something they don’t want to do. Okay?” she whispered out, lifting a hand from the steering wheel and clasping it around one of his small ones.

“Mom…” Henry began, tears building in his own eyes as she talked.

“No Henry,” Regina says with a shake of her head, “I don’t want to talk anymore about this right now okay? You needed to know the truth, it wasn’t fair that we keep this from you,” she told him, squeezing his hand in reassurance and smiling tightly at him.

Henry nodded his hand, clinging to her hand and not letting it go. Regina didn’t mind however; glad to have the small bit of comfort from her son.

* * *

The drive to Storybrooke was a long one and despite knowing this, Regina had not been prepared for the toll it'd take on her energy. Yes she'd driven this route several times before but even just being a few months pregnant was causing her energy to deplete even faster than usual. Stifling a yawn, she cast a glance at her young son Henry, sitting far too quietly in the passenger seat for a ten year old. 

A genuine smile escaped her lips when she saw her son napping; head resting awkwardly on the car window and hair ruffled from sleep. He looked so calm and peaceful, almost like the baby boy she remembered bringing home from the hospital all those years ago. A baby both she and Emma had actually wanted.   
The happy thoughts of Henry as a baby quickly turned to thoughts of the baby growing inside her. Her stomach churned at the thought and her heart ached. She had always believed that no baby should go unwanted, that a child was always a blessing. Yet the thought of her own child growing inside of her made her want to be sick.

Regina had always wanted to be a mother, probably the result of her good Catholic upbringing. When she and Emma had first started trying for a baby they'd found out that it'd be almost impossible for Regina to conceive. The news had devastated her but she'd pushed that aside and concentrated on the fact that Emma could and eventually they'd had Henry.  

Now Regina was carrying a baby, against all odds and the very thought of it inside her disgusted her. She hated herself immensely for the dark thoughts she had regarding her own baby, making her fall further into her depression. It hurt her to know that the cruel, violent act done to her was enough to overcome the 1 in 1000 chance of her falling pregnant. A cruel twist of fate her doctor had told her sympathetically at her check-up. 

When they had first found out about the baby, she had been utterly distraught; unable to move or speak for days. She had been in a state of almost catatonia until Emma had made a whispered suggestion into the night air. An abortion, Regina could always get an abortion and never have to think about it again. Except she would think about it, she'd never be able to forget that her impossible pregnancy had happened and that she'd then terminated it. 

Regina had simply been furious at the suggestion, for reasons she didn't even really understand. She knew however that an abortion was simply out of the question; she had been raised as a good Catholic girl and despite her sin of homosexuality she still believed in all the things she learnt in church. In fact, she still attends Mass when she can and even more she votes Republicans too. Emma's cautious suggestion had horrified her, causing a fight that lasted almost three days before Emma apologised for even mentioning it. Regina knew that she'd over-reacted then but now, despite her strong beliefs, she couldn't help but wonder if she should have just had the abortion. 

She drove, both hands clenched tightly to the steering wheel, lost in her own thoughts that she didn't realise that Henry had awakened from his slumber. The young ten year old looked over to his mother, face dropping at the pained and confused looks that passed over her tear stained face.   
"Mom?" He asked tentatively and quietly, wanting to touch her but not sure if it'd be well received. 

At her son’s quiet word Regina pulled herself from her destructive thoughts, bringing herself back to the present. She felt the wetness of tears against her cheeks and wiped them away as she smiled at her son. Seeing the saddened look on his young face caused Regina's heart to clench painfully. No one so young should be so sad.

"Yes sweetheart?" She replied, her voice sounding far shakier than it should have. 

"Are you...okay?" Henry asked awkwardly, not sure if he could handle another confession like the one he’d received when he’d asked his mom the same question earlier. 

"Of course I am Henry," she lied, plastering on a fake happy smile for her little boy.


	3. Stilted Cries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of rape and unwanted pregnancy. If this may be offensive or triggering I advise you to stop reading here. Thank you.

**Chapter 2 – Stilted Cries**

Regina walked hesitantly up the cement path towards her old childhood home. Henry walked just a little ways behind her, still tired from the long drive up. She looked around the perfectly manicured yard, not at all surprised to see that nothing had really changed since she'd last been here.

Stepping up on to the porch she took a deep breath, steeling herself to see her mother for the first time in at least a year. She felt Henry step beside her as she raised her hand to knock solidly against the white wooden door. It took only a moment before the door was opened, revealing her mother in all her elegant glory.

Regina smiled tightly at the elder brunette in greeting, already feeling the woman's curious gaze flitting across her body. Her mother knew of course what had happened and despite her usual tact Cora was making it quite obvious what she was doing.

"Mother," Regina greeted tersely, uncomfortable with her mothers gaze.

"Regina darling," Cora replied in a tone that Regina found certainly un-Cora like.

The older brunette stepped forward over the threshold and wrapped her arms around her daughter in a hug. Regina stood frozen in her mother's embrace, stunned by the sheer out of character-ness her mother was displaying. After a heartbeat though she relaxed into the hug, bringing her own arms up to wrap around her mother as well.

The action was all very odd, for Cora and Regina alike. Their relationship was not one that was usually filled with such affectionate behaviour but it seemed many things had changed in the months after her attack. Regina could count on one hand the amount of times her mother had hugged her in her life and two of those times had been when her much beloved father had passed away.

Their hug lasted for not much longer before Cora pulled away, turning her gaze on to Henry. The boy had watched their embrace with curiosity; he had not thought of his grandmother as so affectionate and his mother he'd noticed hadn't been taking kindly to being touched lately either. Still, he supposed it was different with mothers, a hug from one of his mothers always made him feel better and maybe that's what his mom needed. After all, they were moving to Storybrooke to be closer to Grandma Cora, at least that's what his Ma had said.

"Hello Henry," she greeted smiling softly at the boy. "Please, come in. You must be tired from that long drive. Where's Emma?" Cora asks, stepping back in to the house and allowing both Regina and Henry to pass.

Cora closes the door behind them and quietly leads them towards the parlour, a fire already burning in the fireplace. Henry moves close to the fireplace, trying to heat himself up from the cold night winter air outside. He sinks in to an old, worn armchair closest to the fire; a favourite of his namesake, Regina's father, Henry.

Regina walks slower than her son, staying by her mother. She doesn't speak just yet; mind, body and soul tired but instead breaths deeply, taking in the surroundings of her childhood. She seats herself across from her mother on the lounge chair, sinking rather unladylike into the lush cushions. Her mother at any other time would have reprimanded her for the action but not now; now she was allowed these small allowances.

"Emma is still in Boston," Regina replies shortly, fingers fiddling with her wedding band.

Cora's brow creased and her lips twitched up in a smirk at her daughter's words, curiosity more than confusion playing across her features. "But I thought you were all-" she starts but her words stop at the exasperated glare Regina is sending her.

"Don't pretend mother," Regina says quietly, so as not to let prying ten-year-old ears overhear, "Innocence does not become you. Emma will be joining us by Sunday, she has loose ends at work that she needs to tie up," she told her mother almost sternly.

Cora pursed her lips at her daughters’ words before falling in to a smirk. "She'll be here just in time for Sunday Mass then. Splendid," Cora drawled standing and moving towards the door. "Would you like some tea Regina?" She asked, gazing at her child and daring her to respond to her snarky comment.

"That would be lovely mother. Thank you," Regina replied, years of daily teatime with her mother making them known.

"Can I have a hot cocoa please grandma?" Henry piped from his seat by the fire.

Cora had almost forgotten the boy was there but she smiled at her grandson, nodding in assent. "Of course. I'll only be a moment," Cora replies, disappearing through the door and into the kitchen.

Regina's eyes lingered on the doorway before turning to look towards her son. Henry was sitting comfortably in the armchair, eyes half open as he gazed in to the fire. He seemed to be deep in thought and Regina couldn’t help but wonder just what it was he was thinking about.

Cora returned eventually with their drinks, setting the tray of tea on the coffee table and handing Henry his hot cocoa. They all drank in relative silence, Cora and Regina not knowing what to talk about and Henry simply too tired. As Henry finished his drink, he stood up slowly, taking his drink in to the kitchen, rinsing the mug. He ventured back in to the parlour, forgoing the armchair and moving to sit beside his mother; cuddling in to her side.

Regina set her teacup back on to the tray as she spoke, “I think I better put him to bed,” she said, stroking some hair away from his forehead.

Cora nodded, “You can put him in the guest bedroom,” she tells her, putting her own finished teacup on the tray and standing up.

Regina stands too, pulling a sleepy Henry up and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Come on Henry, time to go to bed,” she whispers, walking him out of the parlour and heading up the stairs. 

* * *

 

After Henry is settled and in bed both Cora and Regina decide that going to bed is a good idea as well. Regina is in her old bedroom, the same few decorations and bed remain but other than that it doesn’t really seem like the bedroom she’d had back in her teenage years. Back in her teen years, the room had been filled with riding and jumping ribbons and trophies and photographs adorned her mirror and walls.

She hadn’t had many friends but she’d had a boyfriend and that was who had been in all the photos with her. Cora hadn’t particularly approved of him but he was polite, respectful and most importantly to Regina he rode horses just like she did; it’d been how’d they’d met actually. Daniel Stallbursche had been her first everything and even though she loved Emma deeply and truly, she would always love Daniel too.

Lying in the bed that she and Daniel had first had sex in was bringing up many memories and as she slept, those memories quickly turned to nightmares. She tossed and turned in bed, dreaming of her attack and the birth of the child inside her. It wasn’t until she woke up, Cora sitting on the edge of her bed that she realized she had been crying out and shouting in her sleep.

“Regina,” Cora spoke, eyeing her with worry. “Darling, mothers’ here,” she said, reaching out to take her hand.

Regina was frozen for a moment before she sat up, launching herself in to her mother’s arms. Hugs weren’t something the mother and daughter pair did often, if at all but in that moment Regina didn’t care one bit whether it was normal behaviour. She wrapped her arms tightly around Cora’s frame, her head buried against her shoulder as tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks.

The elder Mills’ woman, not used to such actions hesitated for a minute before realizing her daughter needed her comfort and wrapped her arms around her daughter’s back. Cora ran a hand up and down her daughter’s back, trying to help calm her down. She had heard Regina cry out in her sleep all the way down the hall in her room and she only now thought about Henry and whether or not he’d been woken up by the noise.

It took quite some time for Regina to calm down, eventually peeling herself off of her mother. She looked a wreck; face tear-stained and blotchy, eyes red and hair messy from sleep. Regina didn’t say anything, just wiped at the tears at her eye and on her cheeks, trying hard to calm her breathing. Looking over at her mother she was surprised to see the worry etched all over her usually stern face.

“I’m sorry mother,” she croaked quietly, voice sore and scratchy from her crying and shouting.

Cora immediately shook her head, “No. You have nothing to be sorry for Regina. You can’t control your…dreams,” she told her softly.

“It wasn’t a dream…” Regina replied quietly, looking down at her hands in her lap.

“Oh darling,” the elder Mills’ sighed, reaching a hand out to pet Regina’s dark, messy hair. “You can tell me…what you dreamt about,” she continued, brows furrowed as she looked at her distraught daughter.

Regina’s bottom lip quivered as she thought over her nightmare, it wasn’t really a dream. “It…it was a nightmare really,” she whispered, still not wanting to look at her mother, “I…I was dreaming about…the attack. It was happening all over again; only this time I couldn’t see anything. It was like a big ball of black smoke was… _doing it_ to me.”

Cora’s heart ached as she listened to her daughter’s words, hating that some monster had hurt her like that. She may not have been the best mother in the world but she certainly loved her daughter, no matter what many people say and to know someone had hurt her child made Cora so incredibly angry. She couldn’t show it, not now at least, with Regina in tears and unstable in front of her.

“Oh Regina,” she murmured, cupping her cheeks tenderly, “I’m not going to let anything hurt you. Not as long as I’m here, okay?’ she told her, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

More tears burst unbidden from Regina’s eyes at her mothers words, she smiled slightly at her mother trying her hardest to believe her. Her dream however had shaken her greatly, her own doubts and fears culminating in the second part of her dream. It hadn’t been a memory at all; instead it had been an actual nightmare, and something her subconscious had created.

She had dreamt of giving birth to the child inside her. It had been a horrifying experience and the most painful Regina could ever remember. She had felt like she was living it and that’s why when she saw the child for the first time it’d been terrifying. She had dreamt of an inhumane baby, a demon child being borne from her, black eyes and hooved feet, scales and horns and all sorts of other monstrosities. It had been disgusting and evil…and she hated it. Just like she’d feared she would.

“I dreamt it was a demon…evil,” she whispered so quietly Cora almost missed it.

“What was, my darling?” Cora asked, not sure whom Regina was referring to.

A few tears fell from Regina’s eyes as she tried to answer Cora. She couldn’t quite get the words out, instead placing one of her hands tentatively against her stomach, hoping her mother would understand. “It…the baby,” she choked out eventually, not daring to look her mother in the eye.

It took Cora but a moment to realize just whom Regina had been talking about and her heart clenched tightly when she did. She knew it’d be hard for her daughter to come to terms with being pregnant from such a violent act but to have dreams of her child as such as that was worrying. Regina’s mental state was not as stable as she had believed it to be and for once Cora wasn’t sure just how she could help Regina. After all, how do you help someone come to terms with getting pregnant through rape?

“It’s okay,” she tells her softly, even though she doesn’t think everything is okay at all. “I’ll stay till you fall asleep alright,” she says, climbing further into her daughter’s bed and wrapping her arms securely around her.

Regina clings to her tightly, still shaken by her dreams and most likely frightened of falling back asleep. Cora stroked her hair soothingly, whispering a soft lullaby to her fully-grown daughter as she began to drift off to sleep. Eventually both mother and daughter fell in to a deep sleep, dreams and nightmares of demon babies and black smoke long gone.

 


End file.
